I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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