HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
