Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
