I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
