God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
thus making me awesome and them whores
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
