i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
