My hair reeks of homosexuality.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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