how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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