Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I need to calm my uterus...
You're breaking my sexual little heart
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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