dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
