Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I am midnight drunk by noon
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
