My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
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