I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
