i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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