I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
