There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
