she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I think people are normalizing furries
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
