I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
