I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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