It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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