Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
