if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
