Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
