the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
My vagina just clenched in fear
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
