I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
