the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Randomize
