DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
