I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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