I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
