is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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