So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
