Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
