I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
