just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
