im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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