Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Randomize
