I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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