You're my little dorito
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
This gyro tastes like lonliness
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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