drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
