Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
