holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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