omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
where are my pants?
in the oven.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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