Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You're like the curious george of whores
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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