dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
