trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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