Just mADE A PArabola og urine
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
