I didn't shave. On purpose
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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