I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
