I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
We had to coat check the pizza.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
