I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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