My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
