:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Randomize