Pregnant stripper...not hot.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
