wrigley field is MILF paradise
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
