Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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